Confidence....with yesterday's entry you can tell that's something I don't have very much of. Now look at real women like youtuber Meghan Tonjes and blogger Jes the Militant Baker... THEY have confidence. Some of you may know about Jes, she stirred up a lot of talk by posting a pic of her in the middle of the street in her bra and panties holding a sign, I think it said "if you don't like don't look". She is plus size I think about a size 16 or 18. Meghan is an awesome musician who is gaining more and more popularity not only by great talent but by using YouTube as a vehicle to get her work out there. She is about a 16 as well. So aside from the common that we are all plus size, why these two ladies? Well yesterday in my funk just before I went to bed (which by the way, I didn't work out yesterday either but I will touch on that a bit later) I wanted to read up on something that I watched on Meghan's channel. That's body positivity.
Over the past year or so I have come to take more notice on people " body shaming" each other. More so fat shaming (thats what I was actually thinking the people at the gym were doing to me). It breaks my heart that some people in this world think that guilt and negative comments "help" people to lose weight. Not knowing if these people have a food addiction, if eating is taking emotional pain away, if eating is a better option than to kill yourself... Anyways, a little off topic.
Something made me stop and think about the past two posts I have done. Am I using this as a method of fat shaming myself? What did I call myself in my first blog post? Fat! Why did I post the pictures in yesterdays post (not sure if they showed up)? I am embarrassed that I look the way I do so if I show the world what I actually look like, I will be more motivated on losing it.... WAIT WHAT? I will be more motivated on losing it? Isn't that what Fat Shaming is about? Making someone so embarrassed about their size that they are motivated to losing weight. Wow. So I can apparently talk all this stuff to my friends and loved ones about loving who you are and all your uniqueness, trying from the bottom of my heart to show that someone is worthy of being loved and that NO ONE IN THIS WORLD SHOULD BE MADE ASHAMED OF THEIR BODY but when it comes to me... I am the total opposite. Complete Fucking hypocrite I am.
So back to Meghan and Jes... Well first of all I fully admit... I am banned from Militant Baker's Facebook page. Why? See last paragraph. That's why. Jes is one of the founders of the body positivity movement. That's pretty much being healthy and happy at any size. She is on a mission to show the world that you don't have to be rail thin to be accepted in this world and that no matter what size you are.... Everyone deserves love and not settling for less. And look at me go... I fat shamed myself on her Facebook page without realizing I did it (may have also used some inappropriate ways of describing my body too). Gee I wonder why I would have gotten banned *eye roll*. Yeah I am a decent idiot sometimes haha!
ANYWAYS just reading and realizing that I am no better to myself than those other douche bags who publicly humiliate others, I need to work on changing my views of myself. I know I am not meant to be rail thin. I mean come on, those who know me... Can you picture ME as one of these girls? I also am not wanting to be. I am who I am for a reason. My last physical aside from my thyroid my blood work was impeccable and my doc was envious of it. I was in great health and still weighed in at about 255-260. Why do I need to be tiny tiny to be healthy?
Now on with working out. Oi you remember how I say I talk a big talk ... Well I walk the smallest itty bitty baby walk. I didn't work out yesterday mostly because I was in pain. I think I may have hurt myself by concentrating on what the others were doing around me than what I was doing because my joints and hip hurt (and my knees hurt too, these crispy joints are making it difficult because of the pain it's causing)... SO MUCH. I know excuses excuses but it wasn't the just worked out pain... No no that's right now haha. It was legit I hurt myself pain. I am taking arthritis pain relievers and they are helping so today before work its go time on the DDPYoga :). So yeah that's the random ramblings of me today. You all should check out Meghan and Jes. I think a lot of you guys will like them.
Take it easy and as Ellen says:
"Be kind to one another"
Danielle xoxo
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